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Saying “I can’t” to something is usually the wrong response. It’s probably:
Don’t want to.
Prefer not to (smooth).
Afraid.
No time.
Scared.
Later.
I’m too busy.
Not enough money.
When I retire.
When the kids leave.
When my parents die.
Too late.
Add your own. Don’t say you can’t. You CAN.
BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!
Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio
For good or bad people form opinions about us. You can’t really change that. Or can you?
I had the pleasure of sharing a lovely afternoon with some dear former colleagues. A woman sitting next to me remembered several things that I’d said to her many, many years ago when my husband was first diagnosed with cancer.
Truthfully my recollection was rather weak, but hers, extremely sharp. She went on to say that when cancer struck her own family, my words came back to her. “This (disease) is bigger than us,” she recalled me saying in a calm voice.
Okay, if my memory serves me correct, I probably had accepted the facts laid out by the medical experts. Inside I felt a bit out of control, overwhelmed, fearful, confused, angry — but not calm! Apparently in my rather numb state I projected a air of Zen.
But to her these (forgotten) words, spoken in a controlled and rational voice not only comforted her but gave her much needed hope, she said. Who knew, right?
One of my favorite quotes of all time is from the late great American poet, memoirist and civil rights activist, Maya Angelou:
I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. ~ Maya Angelou
Today I’m humbled that what I’d said many years ago stayed with my friend when the dark clouds rolled over her family. Knowing a brief random chat later on became (one of many other) sources of comfort and hope (her words) for her and her family is awesome. People who’d been through similar experiences provided her strength and courage to carry on. All because of a few words, dug out of her memory when she needed them most.
When we walk away from conversations, casual run-ins, marriages, careers, families, jobs, or friends, we may never know how we made that person “feel”, but they will remember. Good, or bad.
As nice as it was to hear how my words made her feel, it’s more important to me that whether I knew it or not, on that day, our family’s story of survival helped her take on a horrible situation and handle it well. In love. With faith. And hope.
And isn’t that why we are on this planet?
BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!
Original Graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio
Quote: Maya Angelou
Most of us (unless you live in a cocoon) experience a day every now and again that leaves us feeling dizzy. It’s like we’re a game board spinner and life has flicked us hard, around and around.
We should just chalk it up to a “bad day” and give in. But we don’t. And how do we handle a day when we’ve reach our limit?
We act out with extreme behaviors. We whine and complain. We cry. We hit the gym hard. We abuse our bodies. We lash out at the spouse, the kids, co-workers; even the poor dog is not immune to our tirade. There are excuses and compromises — we’re stubborn you guys, and not willing to quit when things get tough. On a good day that’s admirable.
But today shit happened; we’re not ourselves and we know it. The body is listless. The brain is fudge. Our patience has tried and failed. We’re in deep, and it’s not even noon. We may wonder is it too early to pour a drink or binge watch “House of Cards”? Yes, it is.
At some point we face the fact that no matter what we touch, it turns to crap. Knowing that, why can’t we keep our hands away? We rationalize that there’s no time to waste; there’s too much stuff on the list. We KNOW the world will stop revolving if we leave our post. If we don’t do it, who will?
Nobody. Because there isn’t anyone who can do what you do. That’s the good news and the bad news.
We’re so hard on ourselves. What is frustrating to some is down right scary as hell to others. Why? Giving in sounds a lot like quitting. It’s NOT. This is hard for awesome control freaks to grasp.
At this moment the only sane cell left in my head starts laughing at its own absurdity. I begin to recite out loud, “and this too shall pass” over and over. Then I make an agreement with myself: cut your losses, put down the list, have faith that the world will carry on just fine without you for a few hours. With love, I grant myself permission to give in to the day before any more damage is done.
I’m not giving up all together. There’s a serious game of Chutes and Ladders going on here and I’ve got control of the spinner.
BE F-G AWESOME AWESOME TODAY!
Original graphic and quote: Stephanie DelTorchio
We’ve all heard that “freedom is a state of mind”. I suppose there’s some truth to that.
Most of us have the clear mental capacity to choose what thoughts we let into our heads. And we’re pretty good at filtering out the good shit from the bad shit. But on THOSE days, yeah, you know the ones; we give in and tack up the sign in the window: Come In, We’re Open!
The door explodes, letting in the masses like Wal-Mart on Black Friday — peace lovers, harmony seekers, and chicken soup bringers. Not far behind, every brand of CRAZY known to man overfills your cart.
A free mind is smart to employ a noble gatekeeper. Depending on your life’s situation, you might have a burly Bouncer who lets in the pretty girls and tosses the drunks, or, if it’s one of THOSE days your Bouncer just might be the drunk who lets everybody in.
As kids the gatekeeper is loosey-goosey, one of us, so we believe. Some truly are well-meaning good friends. Others are false allies or ally opponents. In the time between elementary school through college our minds haven’t even interviewed a gatekeeper. If there’s the hint of a filter, it’s without set rules, a suggestion perhaps, more like a book wedged in the door. Everyone and anyone hops on the merry-go-round frat party. Our potential freedom is upstaged by an immature scared mind. We fear being excluded by the “popular” kids. (P.S. For some this doesn’t go away in adulthood).
By the time we find our first gray hairs most of us have installed an intrusion alarm to protect the freedom of my minds. It starts out as a nice picket fence, guarded by a dog. Then we get two dogs. Or one very big dog. Later, we build walls, or cold stone defensive fortresses. Ain’t nobody getting in here.
The delicate dance is to keep one’s mind free by choosing what thoughts we let in while not arming the fort tower with cannons. You see that, right?
To be a free citizen is a birth right in the United States; not so much in other places around the globe. In this country we are free to choose what we read and write. We choose our profession or career. We move freely from an apartment in the city to a home in the suburbs, if we choose. We are free to change our minds and try something new at any time. Sadly, this is the cause of many bad hair days.
As an American female I am free to vote or start a business; express my thoughts, ambitions, goals and desires in written word, in song, in prayer, with paint or crayons. I am free to dream, free to HAVE dreams. I am free to worship as I please, whether to the vast entity I call “God” or the blooming pink azaleas lining the driveway which I’m certain my God had his/her hand in creating.
We are not only free to choose who we let in to our life, but what thoughts we choose to let in our mind or elect to kick out. Ideas and ideals we’re cool with, we invite over the drawbridge. C’mon in, we say, pull up a chair and sit a while.
Freedom of the mind is freedom of choice. I choose this, not that. Love, kindness, generosity — supportive virtues that nurture our minds and trickle into our souls are always welcome. To choose the best thoughts and let them linger for a lifetime is true freedom. The rest are the perks of being born here.
Lock the gate if you must to keep out the riff-raff, but leave a light on.
BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!
Graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio
Image:
It never mattered to me what profession or occupation or affiliation or path my children would ultimately choose as adults. All I ever asked of them was to go out into the world and be good people. Thank you children.
BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!
Original quote and graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio
I challenge you to dig deep and find at least 24 things you did to Be F-g Awesome Today — one for each hour of the day. Don’t shrug off the silly or nice things you think you should do because you’re such a swell gal/guy; it all counts.
From the simple to the expected many of the things you do every day, the rote tasks and regiments you take for granted, are important to your health and well-being or someone you know.
In case you get stuck, follow all of your waking moments for one entire day. Here’s a few ideas to jump start your list:
Be conscious of your movements, actions and interactions. I do believe when you put pencil to paper you will feel exhausted and also your list will easily surpass 24.
I’m open to start. Here’s my Sunday, the quietest day of the week:
My 25 things are hardly awesome on the surface. But as I look over the list I realize I haven’t hurt anybody or caused trouble. Sunday is typically quiet and laid back. This day included the people in this world I love most. A work day (aren’t they all?) would include other entries on the awesome list but you get the idea.
Try it. Be brave and list as many as you can. You ARE awesome. Put it on paper. The next time you’re feeling less than awesome pull out your list.
BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!
Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio
As I lay my head down to sleep I run the day over in my head. Making it to this point amazes me first, then I say a big “thank you” in appreciation for the gift to have had the day.
My history has made me aware how fragile and limited in time a human life can be. We laugh and joke in private groups: Here today, gone tomorrow…I could get hit by a bus…At day’s end I’m more serious.
Without over-analyzing, judgement, fault-finding or obsessing about it, I ask myself a series of random questions (they’re different every night). Then I assess whether I’ve made the day count or did I totally f-k it up and waste it. I do this with kindness and self-love, or else my sleep will be restless.
Last night, the summary of my day went like this:
Did I help someone? Make their load lighter? Make them feel special, appreciated, needed, wanted, loved? Make them laugh? Feed their soul and/or their belly?
Contribute in a positive way to my own or someone else’s personal and professional development?
Be brave and try something new?
Stretch my mind and body?
Stick with people and projects?
Consciously release any poison of hurt, anger, unforgiveness?
Show gratitude for my and my family’s health and good fortune?
Before my mind is free to sleep I accept that this day is over and there’s no going back to redo any of it. I also am painfully aware that today is the youngest I will ever be.
The best I can do each day is confess my transgressions, ask for forgiveness and pledge to do a better job tomorrow, should I get that gift. The good news is that by sticking to this practice my gratitude muscle gets stronger each day; so does my awareness that I must not procrastinate ever.
What I now DO NOT do is mull the negative over and over. That includes yesterday. I’ve spent too much time going around and around the same mountain and all it got me was a sour stomach and missed opportunities to enjoy the day in front of me.
When today ends, it ends. Accept that fact. Make it count.
BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!
Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio
Image: Pixabay
My mother, who I’ve dubbed, Our Lady of Wise Advice, recited THE PIG poem for years. Usually it was after I’d had some altercation with a school mate (i.e. girl in a group) where some silly teenage girl thing escalated beyond immediate solvency. Just when I didn’t think my hurt and anger could get worse, the rumors and the isolation started the next day.
Our Lady of Wise Advice shook a warning finger in my face: “We are often judged (right, wrong or indifferent) by the people we chose to associate with. These girls are not your friends.”
“What do I do?” I asked the wise one.
” ‘You can tell a man who boozes by the company he chooses, and the pig got up and slowly walked away…’ Walk away. Find new friends.” Then she went about her business. Our Lady wasn’t big on belaboring the point.
THE PIG poem originates from the most favorite of all poets, Anonymous. It’s been twisted and retold, embellished, even set to music, but the lesson is always the same: choose your company carefully.
It was the first of May
A lovely spring day
I was strolling down the street in drunken pride,
But my knees were all a-flutter,
And I landed in the gutter
And a pig came up and lay down by my side.
Yes, I lay there in the gutter
Thinking thoughts I could not utter
When a lady passing by did softly say
‘You can tell a man who boozes
By the company he chooses’ — And the pig got up and slowly walked away.
BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!
Original graphic and quote: Stephanie DelTorchio
Be you. In all of your splendor.
BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!
Original graphic: Stephanie DelTorchio
I was born worry-free. Becoming a worrier evolved over time.
As a kid I worried in private but kept up with the other (tom)boys. We scaled water pipes three stories up the side of Hovey School. I worried we’d get caught (and arrested!) or one of us would fall to our deaths. We fashioned “jiggers” from scrap wood, nails and rope, and screamed as the contraption shimmied and shook down Hampton Hill. A bloody-faced Frankie F. received a group-carry to his front porch. We knocked on the door and ran back to the Hill. I worried his mother would call our parents. She didn’t. Ten stitches later, he was back to co-pilot. No one got sued. All day we passed around a garden hose from kid to kid, and despite ample warnings, no one ever contracted rickets or scurvy.
My worry heightened after eavesdropping on my mother who worried about the Cuban Missile Crisis with her friends. That’s when the school began to practice air raid drills. My feeling of being out of control fed my worry that on any given day a missile (whatever that was) might land in the schoolyard, and not be a good thing.
By adulthood creepy crawly things and over-inflating my tires caused worry. So did taking wrong turns and ending up in the back streets of a shady neighborhood with no outlet. Balloons that suddenly pop and scare the hell out of me. Having correct change at the “correct change only” tolls. I book hotel rooms on low floors, worried that I might need to escape a burning building. Flying (actually it’s a fear, but I WORRY about the logistics of air travel, and whether the pilot has had enough sleep).
When I became a parent the degree to which I worried included my children. Why? Their survival skills weren’t as adequately developed as my friends from the 60s. Isn’t this what all parents believe? I’ve never seen proof that scurvy CAN NOT be contracted through sharing a bottle of Dr. Pepper.
Later I worried about the Cancer. That the late stage of it made the diagnosis bleak, at best. I worried about him. I worried about him and me. I worried about the kids. I worried about him and the kids. I worried about the separations. The treatments. Losing our jobs. Our home. Our insurance. I worried about infections and hospital bills and strict food preparations and germs swirling around — they were everywhere! All that worry consumed every waking (and sleeping) moment. Despite my diligent worrying we made it through it all.
I worried globally, too.
About the planet. The dirty air we breathe. The acid rain falling from the sky, its waters feeding the food we harvest and eat. Oil spills. Fracking. Nuclear weapons. Nasty crazies who want to hurt nice innocent people. I’m still here despite all of it, including consuming some bizarre foods, by choice.
I worried about really stupid things: Thunderstorms. Parking far away at the mall. Well-meaning clerks spraying things on me. High-pitched animal screeches in the night. Running out of milk during a Nor’easter snowstorm — kind of an inside joke around New England.
Guess what? Years and years of worry resulted in…not much. Without exception, NOTHING I’ve spent a lifetime worrying about ever harmed me the way I worried it would. I survived. My husband survived. Our children survived. Their children will survive. The world survived.
Worry, I’ve learned, is such a wasted emotion. It brings fear and anxiety and paralyzes freedom. It stresses our entire being – physically, mentally, spiritually.
If I could tack back all the worry years of course I would. Since it’s impossible, I move forward.
I worry, still. But it’s manageable and fleeting. I recognize worry for the useless, draining emotion it is and send it packing. Better planning gives me more control over the emotion. Now I turn on lights instead of bumbling around in the dark waiting for something to jump out.
I’m not wasting time worrying anymore…
Except I do worry that the second slice of pizza WILL end up on my hips. It will. That’s a fact, my friends. And it’s nothing to worry about.
BE F-G AWESOME TODAY!
Original graphic and quote: Stephanie DelTorchio
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